It's For Our Own Good

Perhaps an amusing "tirade against the tyranny of health" will liven up the party 'round here?

I was a little surprised to see, near the end of the article, a reference to Modern Drunkard Magazine, and even more surprised to find out that such a publication actually exists. Just the thing to get as a gift office subscription for that co-worker you don't like!

They do, however, have some amusing drink recipes. Consider, for example, the "Hallelujah cocktail":

1 oz. Babylonian Grape Brandy (cognac)
1½ oz. Sodom and Gomorrah (Italian vermouth)
¾ oz Rum aged in Noah’s Ark (light rum)
½ tsp. Cain’s Syrup from the Garden of Eden (grenadine)
Citrus from the Desert of Sin (4 drops of lime juice)
Ice from the Crest of Mount Sinai (finely cracked ice)
Give it a good shake, pop a cherry on top and yell “Hallelujah!” after drinking.

Teach this recipe to the bartenders at your local haunts, then announce to your girlfriend that you have found The Light. Then, whenever you pop into one of your locals with your girlfriend (just tell her you just want to shake down the sinners a little), greet the bartender with a righteous and resounding, “Hallelujah!” When the cocktail arrives, quickly drink it down. The customary after-drink “Hallelujah!” will also serve to order your next round.

When your girlfriend asks what the Devil is going on, say, “I have no idea. Every time I praise the Lord a delicious cocktail appears. He does indeed work in mysterious ways.”

This should serve to confound her and, perhaps in some small way, bring you a little closer to the Almighty (after about eight Hallelujahs you may even catch a glimpse of him.)